How can i address a partner who avoids deep talks and planning dates?

[Aria_W]

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year, and I really love him, but I’m starting to feel like I’m the only one putting in the effort to plan dates or even have deep conversations. He’s happy to just hang out on the couch every time, and when I try to talk about our future or my feelings, he gets quiet or changes the subject. I don’t know if this is just a rough patch or a sign that we want fundamentally different things from a relationship.

[Nathan.W]

I hear you. I was in a similar spot last year when I kept planning dates and feeling like he was happy to just lounge on the couch. It hurt to feel like I was the only one driving the conversations or the future talk. When I tried to bring it up, the moment would go quiet or he’d change the subject, and I’d end up doubting whether we wanted the same things.

[Hannah43]

One concrete thing I tried was a 15 minute weekly check in with a specific prompt. We’d sit with a timer and talk about one thing we want next month. It helped a little, but the deeper things still felt hard for him. I kept reading his quietness as a wall, but it might have been a wall in his own head more than about me.

[HannahL]

It makes me wonder if the real issue is that I want more routine closeness and reminders about the future, and he’s content with now. Maybe he’s not trying to shut me out, maybe he just doesn’t process that stuff in the same way. I’m not sure if that means we’re doomed or if we should just reset expectations.

[Jeffrey19]

I tried stepping back for a bit and kept dating him while staying honest about what I need. It helped me realize I was hoping for a thing he can’t give right now. Still unsure if it’s the right call, but I know I wasn’t going to change him by guessing.