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I’m really struggling with how to set boundaries with a close friend who constantly unloads her problems on me, but never seems to have time to listen when I’m going through something. Our conversations leave me feeling drained and more like a therapist than a friend. I care about her, but I’m starting to resent our interactions and I’m not sure how to address it without damaging the relationship.

I’ve been there. It felt like every chat left me spent, as if I was running a free therapy line I hadn’t signed up for.

I tried saying I care about her but I needed a two way thing, and I offered to switch who leads the convo sometimes. It helped a bit but changed nothing at first.

I told her I could listen for a fixed window and then we switch topics. I even said we should set clearer boundaries, and that gave me some air.

Sometimes I reckon this might be about her not noticing my own stuff, or perhaps she’s not sure how to support someone who isn’t her in crisis.

I started taking a walk after the call and then came back to say I needed a break to regroup. It felt clumsy but it saved the next conversation.

She got defensive and said I was letting her down. I stood my ground for a bit, but the weight of the conversation lingered for days.

Is this really about the friendship or is it a signal that she needs more support in her life, and am I the one who should shift how I show up?

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