What should i do if my boyfriend never initiates affection?

[Mia26]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, and I’ve noticed he almost never initiates physical affection like holding my hand or giving a hug without me starting it first. It makes me feel like I’m the only one who wants that closeness, and I’m starting to question if our love languages are just too different.

[EvelynVH]

I hear you. It started to feel like I was the only one reaching for closeness, so I started paying attention to whether he shows affection in other ways. He’s really good at texting, making eye contact, and listening, even if PDA isn’t his default. The love languages talk helped me frame it as a mismatch, not a lack of care.

[William_H]

I tried bringing it up once, softly. He said he’s fine with hugs when we’re together, but that he doesn’t usually initiate because he’s tired after work. It left me more confused than hopeful.

[AddisonL]

Could the bigger issue be how we talk about needs, not the needs themselves? I sometimes feel like we’re both quietly keeping score instead of just saying what would help.

[Matthew46]

One thing I did that didn’t fix it: I stopped initiating for a while and waited to see if he would. He didn’t, and I just felt more frustrated. It didn’t end the drift.