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I’ve noticed I’m always the one reaching out first to keep my online friendships going, and it’s starting to make me wonder if these connections are even real. If I stopped initiating, would I just fade from their minds completely?

I tried stepping back for a while and basically kept hitting silence or polite updates. Some folks kept showing up when I did the initiating, and a few faded away no matter what. It did not feel like a betrayal so much as a pattern. People have their own bandwidth and cycles.

I did pulse checks, sent a message and waited a week. A couple replied with a real convo and others disappeared. It made me accept that friendship online is often a pull game not a push and not all connections pull equally.

Honestly I once curated my list of online names like plants in a small garden waiting for rain. I kept trimming then realized I had been confusing effort with meaning. Maybe some chats are not meant to be deep and that is not a failure of you or them.

Do you think the problem is the friendships themselves or your need for reciprocity?

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